The Dreaded Trip To Ikea
by daffodilsandstarships
Summary: Jack and Ianto need new furniture so they decide to take a trip to Ikea...as a couple.


Jack was sitting quietly in his office when Gwen came storming in.

"Bloody Rhys and his bloody furniture,"

Jack looked at Gwen, somewhat confused.

"So we finally go to Ikea to get a new bed frame cause god knows we need one and then we find the one we want but when we go to the warehouse to pick it up, he wants to take a bloody look at it. Right there, in the store." Gwen paused, sighing and sitting down on the couch, "so we get the salesperson to opened the blasted thing and then Rhys takes a look at it and decides he doesn't like the colour. I told him that it was exactly the same one we saw in the showroom but he wasn't having any of it. Then the salesperson tells us that since we've opened it we have to buy it and of course Rhys decides to cause a scene."

Jack kept on doing work while Gwen droned on about her and Rhys' experience in Ikea. She was right, Rhys was probably being a bit of an idiot , like he often was, but Jack had no interest in hearing her story.

"Long story short, don't go to Ikea if you want to keep your relationship," and with that she got up and left in a huff.

As if on queue, Ianto walked in just then. Jack didn't notice him until he spoke, "Jack we need a new coffee table for our flat."

Jack looked up from his work, "what's wrong with the one we have?"

"There's at least five coffee stains from the time you spilled your coffee on it and the edges are all banged up."

Jack shrugged, "gives it character. Besides, the new one's gonna get banged up soon enough, might as well wait til we break the old one first." He smirked, letting Ianto know exactly what he meant by that remark.

"We also need to get a tv cabinet, it can't sit on an old chair forever," Ianto said, "and we need new couch."

He had a point.

"And lamps," Ianto finished.

"Alright, go ahead, you can leave work early," Jack said, going back to his work.

"Jack, I think you should come too," Ianto replied.

"What? Why?"

"Well I don't want to get home with a bunch of stuff you don't like and that you make me return."

Oh god, Ianto was not about to suggest what Jack thought he was about to suggest. No way. No way in hell.

"I think you should come with me to Ikea."

~~~~~~~  
The inevitable had happened. Jack and Ianto found themselves on a couple's trip to Ikea. This was a defining moment in any couple's relationship. If they could survive a trip to Ikea they could survive anything. The two entered the large blue and yellow building, there was no turning back.

"Alright, shall we head into the show rooms then?"

Jack gestured towards the showrooms, "lead the way gorgeous."

Ianto smiled and headed into the sea of Scandanavian treasures. As soon as they entered Jack noticed a ton of things that he and Ianto definitely needed. Grabbing a bag, he started to collect them from the shelves. Covertly so that Ianto didn't see. Ianto was more the practical type, he wouldn't see the value in little things like a new set of salt and pepper shakers or better looking spatulas. However Ianto knew Jack too well. Ianto looked behind him to see Jack picking up a random flower vase then subsequently putting it in the shopping bag. Ianto sighed and went to go deal with his boyfriend.

"I didn't realize we needed a flower vase," he said.

Jack stopped and turned to face Ianto, "Gwen might give us flowers."

"But we already have a flower vase," Ianto said.

Jack held up the vase so that Ianto could see just how special it was, "but we don't have a cool wavy one."

Ianto rolled his eyes, "alright, you're paying for it though."

Jack shrugged with his signature smile, "no problem," he said, putting the vase back in the shopping bag.

The couple moved through the show rooms, Jack occasionally stopping Ianto to show him something or convince him that they needed some random small kitchen appliance. They had now made it past the kitchen section and were moving through the bedroom section. Jack for one, could not stop grinning.

"Hey Ianto, do you think we need a new mattress?" He said, wearing a smirk that Ianto knew all too well.

Ianto stopped, "no"

Jack stepped closer to Ianto, "you don't think we might be wearing out the springs on ours?"

Ianto sighed, "no Jack, come on, we've still got a lot of shopping to do."

"Oh come on, you don't even wanna test them? See how strong the springs are?"

Ianto grabbed Jack by the arm and dragged him away from the mattresses.

"Hey! I was testing them!" Jack exclaimed, releuctantly following Ianto. He was having way too much fun on this trip. Probably to Ianto's slight annoyance but hey, he had to know, that's what you get with Captain Jack Harkness.

Finally, in the living room section, Jack spotted Ianto checking out something that they didn't need.

"I didn't realize we needed throw pillows and blankets." Jack commented.

"I was thinking we should get a plain off white couch and then decorate it with pillows and blankets," Ianto replied, holding up plain blue a throw pillow, "do you think this goes with the walls in the flat?"

Jack picked up one of the many other throw pillows, this one an intricate leaf pattern. He tossed it around a bit, "how about this one?"

Ianto looked at it, stunned by its loudness, "it's uhh... different," he said, "not for the flat though."

"Oh you're no fun!" Jack teased, playfully throwing the pillow at Ianto.

Ianto cringed slightly as the pillow hit him before catching it and putting it back in the bin where Jack had found it.

"Come on Iantooo," Jack persisted, "our place needs some more colour."

Ianto could not resist Jack's begging, he never could, "alright fine," he said, "you can pick out the throw pillows and a blanket."

Jack smiled and started to look through the bin of throw pillows.

"I get to pick the lamps though."

It was no use. Jack was already engrossed in picking out pillows. Ianto found it somewhat adorable watching his boyfriend get so enthusiastic about pillows. Once Jack had finally picked out enough loud throw pillows along with a very...strippy blanket, the couple headed over to look at couches, coffee tables and TV cabinets.

"So I was thinking we should go with the darker woods for the coffee table and the TV cabinet and then go with an off white couch," Ianto suggested, he had clearly spent a lot of time with the Ikea catalogue and seemed to have already picked some stuff out. "And for lamps we should go with these," he continued, "The Jonsbo Gryby"

Jack looked over at the Jonsbo Gryby lamps. They were typical plain white lamps. Jack quickly looked around for alternatives. "What about the Vidja?" he suggested, "it's cheaper."

Okay now Ianto was getting annoyed, "I thought I was picking the lamps," he said.

"I'm just offering my opinion," Jack responded. Geez, if Ianto didn't want Jack's opinion he shouldn't have made him come along.

"I let you pick the throw pillows and the blanket," Ianto said, annoyed, "and I let you get all those stupid little appliances back in the kitchen section!"

"Hey!" Jack interjected, "these star-shaped salt and pepper shakers are not stupid!" He held up the star-shaped salt and pepper shakers from before.

Ianto rolled his eyes, "why did I even bring you along?"

Jack crosses his arms, he was getting really angry with Ianto and his practicality, "yeah why did you bring me along?" he asked, raising his voice, "you clearly decided exactly what you want already and you don't wanna hear what I have to say so why didn't you leave me back at the hub? It wasn't like I wanted to come in the first place."

"I didn't want to exclude you!" Ianto yelled, bringing his voice to the same volume as Jack's.

"Yeah? Well you're excluding me anyways!" Jack yelled, even louder this time. He'd had enough, "You pick out all the damn furniture! I'm gonna go pay for my stuff then go home and make my own grand plan to renovate our kitchen!" Jack then stormed off, leaving Ianto stranded in the vast sea of living rooms. Ianto couldn't help but notice that Jack had gone the wrong way and would likely get lost but he couldn't be bothered to care at the moment.

A few hours later, Jack was at home, sitting on the couch and watching the television that was still propped up on a chair. He was still somewhat pissed at his control freak of a boyfriend but was starting to cool down. He looked around the room at all the ikea shopping bags and unopened boxes that had accumulated in the flat. Apparently on his grand exit he had gone the wrong way and was forced to go through nearly every other section of the store. This included the kids section where he had picked up a bunch of things for Rhys and Gwen to put in their baby's room. It also somehow included Smalland where Jack had found himself getting nearly mauled by little children. How that happened, he wasn't exactly sure.

Then Jack heard the lock on the door turning. Ianto was home. Jack put on an "I don't give a fuck about you" face and kept watching TV.

"Hello,"

Jack kept watching the TV, ignoring Ianto.

"Jack I'm sorry."

Okay so it was a start.

Ianto sighed, "I'm sorry for being a control freak and ignoring everything you had to say."

Now that was more like it. Still that wasn't enough for Jack, "and..." he said, waiting for Ianto to fill in the blank.

"And you're the most handsome man in the universe and I was wrong to ever question you."

There was a pause between the two of them, "and I brought you food from the Ikea restaurant. As well as those cookies you like."

Jack smiled. It was so cute how he could make Ianto do things like that, "apology accepted."

At this point Ianto noticed the abundance of boxes around the flat, "What...are those?" He asked hesitantly.

"Oh, those? When I got lost in the kids section I got them for Rhys and Gwen," Jack said, getting up and picking up one of the lighter boxes, "How do you pronounce this anyways?" He showed Ianto the box.

"I don't know," Ianto said, shrugging.

"Oh come on, you're Welsh," Jack teased.

"Yes, I'm Welsh. Not Swedish," Ianto retorted.

"Close enough, still means you can pronounce hard words," Jack said, "Come on, do it for me."

"Just pop it into google translate or something," Ianto said, trying to get out of Jack's request.

"But it's cuter when you do it," Jack was practically making puppy eyes at this point. Well, his equivilant to puppy eyes.

Ianto sighed, "fine," he said, "skojig"

Jack smiled, "I knew that. But it's better when you say it."

Ianto rolled his eyes, "really Jack?"

"You're only getting cuter you know," Jack said, placing his arms around Ianto's waist.

Just as the moment was getting more intimate, the doorbell rang. Ianto went to go get it.

"Gwen? What are you doing here?" He asked, puzzled,"Is something wrong?"

"Hey what about me?" Rhys said, annoyed, "It's always about Gwen isn't it?"

"Shut up Rhys," Gwen said, playfully slapping her husband on the arm.

"That really hurt you know."

"Oh stop being a baby," Gwen said before turning back to Ianto, "Anyways we came to give you flowers." She held out a rather large bouquet which Ianto took, somewhat confused.

"It's for surviving your first trip to Ikea as a couple," she said.

Jack came to the doorway, Ikea food in hand, "how did you know that we were going to Ikea?" he asked, "and how did you know we would survive the trip?"

"Well we just sort of figured you would," Gwen said.

"And if you didn't then the flowers would've been consolation," Rhys chimed in.

"And we knew you were going because Ianto said this morning that he was planning on dragging you along to Ikea," Gwen continued.

"Well good thing we just got a new flower vase!" Jack exclaimed, pulling out the flower vase that he had picked up at Ikea, "See, I told you we needed it." He went to go fill it up with water.

"Oh so he's that one in the couple," Gwen said, "Rhys is always picking up that kind of stuff."

Ianto nodded as Jack came back to the door carrying the boxes that he had picked up from children's Ikea, "we got you these," he said.

"What's all this then?" Rhys asked.

"Furniture for the baby," Jack said, "picked it up when I was lost in Ikea. I nearly ended up picking up a few children too. Smalland is a dangerous place."

"So we can trust you for babysitting then?" Gwen teased.

"As long as the kid's not half weevil," Jack said, "I swear those kids were little weevils in disguise."

"So, do you two want to come in for Ikea food?" Ianto asked.

"Hey! That's my Ikea food!" Jack exclaimed with his mouth half full.

"I got extra," Ianto said, "just in case."

"We'd love to," Gwen said, entering the flat. Rhys following close behind.

"You think of everything," Jack said, kissing Ianto on the cheek," It's sexy."

Ianto smiled and went into the kitchen to get the food. Meanwhile Rhys was looking at all the little things that Jack had picked up.

"You got the star-shaped salt and pepper shakers?" Rhys exclaimed.

"Yup," Jack said, "pretty neat aren't they?"

"I wanted to get them but Gwen wouldn't let me," Rhys raised his voice on the last part.

"That's because you had picked up the 'cool wavy ones' the last time we were there," Gwen yelled from the kitchen, where she and Ianto were dishing out the food.

"How many bloody salt and pepper shakers do we need?" she said under her breath so that only Ianto could hear.

"Boyfriends in Ikea," Ianto sighed.

Gwen nodded, "boyfriends in Ikea."


End file.
